Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
