Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
