If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
