The maid of honor just puked.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
