the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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