I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
