So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just found puke in my bra..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
