She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
