you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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