R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
