I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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