That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
