I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize