Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
