Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
