Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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