kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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