I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
