i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
