4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There's always time for handjobs
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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