i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
