i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
In America we eat man semen.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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