Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
