Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
