wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
