Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
