Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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