I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
