my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
