can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
