I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
