quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
