he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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