Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.