i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
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I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
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I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that