OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
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NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.