It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club