best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.