By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog