Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
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Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!