Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
