I'm pants shitting drunk right now
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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