arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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