can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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