this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize