i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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