i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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