I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
