Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
