Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
