I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
