well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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