I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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