thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
too bad you live with your parents still
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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