do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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