yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
