guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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