Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
