cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
