Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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