I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
