my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
