i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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