I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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