i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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