white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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