Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just found puke in my bra..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
