Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
