I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
