Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
