my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
