Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
