So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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