I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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