what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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