i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
where are my eyebrows?
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