Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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