Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
