He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
