i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
third nipple confirmed
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
