Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
