I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
