you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
