so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
